3 Warning Signs Your Teen Is Pulling Away (And What to Do)

A few years ago, I was making dinner when my son walked past without saying hello. Not unusual. Teenagers do that.

But then I noticed he had been doing it for three days straight. Not just the silent walk-by. He stopped asking if he could go out. He just left. He stopped joining us for dinner. He just texted from his room that he already ate.

None of it felt big enough to address. Each moment felt normal.

But added together, something had definitely changed.

I almost let it go. I almost told myself it was just teenage behaviour. That is what I did with Maddie. With her, I waited too long.

This time, I did not wait.

Here are three warning signs teens show right before they pull away completely.

But first, I need you to know something.

Parenting would be so much easier if all kids reacted the same way. If what worked for one worked for the next. But they do not. They are completely different. Some things are similar, sure. But not enough to make any of this predictable.

So before you think, "Okay, I have got this figured out now," I am going to be honest with you. You do not. None of us do. It is a hard truth, but it is true.

What worked with one of your kids might not work with another. What you caught with one, you might miss with the next. Or you might miss it again in a completely different way.

That is just how this goes.

These patterns I am about to share are not guarantees. They are just things to look for when you have no idea what you are looking for. And sometimes, that is all we need. When something feels off.

Warning Sign #1: They Start Testing Boundaries in New Ways

This is not the usual teenage boundary testing. It is quieter. More careful.

Maybe they break a rule they have never broken before. Maybe they stop asking for permission and just go. Maybe they push back on something that used to be fine.

It can look like defiance. Like they are trying to provoke you. But most of the time, it is something else.

They are testing. They are asking a question they cannot say out loud: Will you still see me if I am not the kid you think I am? Will you still care if I mess up?

And here is what most of us do. We respond to the behaviour. The broken rule. The attitude. We correct it because that is what parents do. That is what we are supposed to do.

But the behaviour is not really the point. The question underneath it is.

What you can try instead.

Name what you are seeing. Just by noticing.

"You have not been asking before you go out. That is new for you. What is going on?"

Just ask.

They might shrug. They might say nothing. And that is okay. You still named it. You still noticed. That matters more than you think.

Warning Sign #2: They Ask You Hypothetical Questions About "A Friend"

"What would you do if someone you knew was thinking about hurting themselves?"

"Do you think therapy actually helps people?"

"If a friend told you they were really struggling, what would you say?"

These are not random questions.

Your teen is testing the water. They are asking if it is safe to tell you what they are really feeling.

They are asking for themselves. But they cannot say that yet.

And here is what a lot of us do. We answer quickly. We give advice. We say, "Why are you asking?" And then we move on.

And in doing that, we miss the real question.

What you can try instead.

Answer the question like it matters. Because it does.

"I would want them to know they are not alone. I would want them to tell someone who cares about them."

And then pause. Just for a moment.

"Are you asking because you are worried about someone?"

Let them decide if they are ready to tell you more. Do not push. Just stay there with them.

Warning Sign #3: Their Whole Attitude Shifts Suddenly

Not the usual teenage moodiness. This is different. It is sudden.

They were engaged. Now they are flat.

They were social. Now they want to be alone all the time.

They were trying. Now they have stopped caring about things that used to matter.

This is disconnection.

When a teen gives up on effort, on connection, on trying to seem okay, they are telling you something. They just are not using words.

And most of us, we ask, "What is wrong?" They say, "Nothing." So we back off. We do not want to push. We do not want to make it worse.

But when your teen is already pulling away, your distance can feel like confirmation. Like proof that no one really sees them anyway.

What you can try instead.

Do not ask what is wrong. Just say what you are seeing.

"You have been really quiet lately. You are not yourself. I am worried about you."

And then offer your presence. Not your solutions.

"I am here if you want to talk. I am not going anywhere."

They might not talk right away. They might not talk at all that day. But that does not mean it did not land. It just means they are deciding if they can trust it.

Keep showing up. Keep being steady. That is what breaks through.

Why I Am Telling You This

These three warning signs happen in that space between "my teen seems fine" and "my teen is in crisis."

The dreaded grey area.

Most of us do not notice them. I didn’t with Maddie.

But I’ve learned to see them now. With my sons. With the other parents I talk to every week.

And I want you to see them too.

If you are noticing any of these patterns in your teen, I want you to trust what you are seeing. You do not need more proof. You do not need things to get worse before you act.

You just need to trust what you already know.

Your teen is giving you signals. The only question is whether you are going to respond to them.

Common Questions About Teens Pulling Away

How do I know if my teen is pulling away or just being a normal teenager?

Look for changes from their baseline. What is normal for them. It is not about one moment. It is about patterns. If your teen has stopped doing things they used to love, or they are testing boundaries in ways they never did before, those are signs worth paying attention to.

What should I say if I notice my teen withdrawing?

Do not ask "What's wrong?" Just say what you see. "You have been really quiet lately. You are not yourself. I am worried about you." And then offer your presence, not your solutions. "I am here if you want to talk."

When should I be concerned about my teen's behaviour?

Trust what you are noticing. If something feels off, it probably is. You do not need proof. You do not need a crisis to take it seriously. Acting early is always better than waiting.