Committed is a word for choices. You commit a crime. You commit to a mortgage. Suicide is not one of those, and the word makes a claim about what happened that is simply wrong. Chris Coulter on the phrase people still use, the fence it builds around other families, what to say to a grieving parent instead, and why correcting somebody only works when it hands them information rather than a test they can fail.

Asking someone if they’re thinking of harming themselves won’t make things worse—it could save their life. In this emotional piece for Suicide Prevention Month, the founder of MentorWell shares the story of losing her daughter to suicide and offers guidance on how to ask the hardest question with compassion, courage, and care.