Your teenager slammed a door last night.
By breakfast they were laughing at their phone and asking for twenty bucks.
That’s a teenager. The only thing at risk there is your twenty bucks.
Last night I wrote about Maddie, and about spending years watching for the wrong signs. The obvious follow-up is what to watch for instead.
Quick disclaimer: I’m a dad who spent ten years working backwards, and I have no letters after my name. So this is a dad’s rule of thumb.
One bad day tells you very little. Everyone’s allowed those. Including you.
What makes me lean in is a pattern.
Usually it’s more than one sign. Sadness that hangs around. Anger that shows up most days. Tears that don’t seem tied to anything. And they start stacking on top of each other.
Then there’s time. Weeks, sometimes months, where the kid in front of you has shifted and stays shifted.
Sometimes the shift goes the other way. A kid who used to let you see the mess, and now never does. Always fine. Always busy.
That was Maddie.
A lot of you have asked how the Teen Signal Check weighs your answers. Here’s the honest version: the questions aren’t weighted the same.
Some answers, on their own, wouldn’t make you bat an eyelash. Next to a few others, they’d make you raise an eyebrow.
A few carry enough weight to move a result from green to yellow, or yellow to red, all by themselves.
That’s how I’d want you to read your own kid, too. If your teenager talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be here, you don’t wait for a pattern. That’s a conversation tonight, and a call for help if you need one.
More than one sign over more than a few weeks. Or one sign that can’t wait.
FAQ
Are teenage mood swings normal?
Yes. Big feelings that come and go are part of being a teenager. One bad day, or even a rough week, usually tells you very little.
How long should teen sadness last before I worry?
There’s no exact number. If sadness, anger or tears stick around most days for a few weeks, especially with more than one sign at once, it’s worth a closer look and a conversation.
What if my teen seems fine all the time?
That can be a good sign. It can also be worth noticing if a kid who used to let you see the mess now never does. Look for change, not just for darkness.
How is the Teen Signal Check scored?
The questions aren’t weighted equally. Some answers only matter alongside others. A few can move a result to yellow or red on their own. It’s an awareness tool, not a diagnosis.
What should I do if my teen talks about hurting themselves?
Don’t wait for a pattern. Talk with them today and get help. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8. In the US, call or text 988. Kids Help Phone is 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
You May Also Like
What Maddie Taught Me About Silence
https://www.thementorwell.com/blog/what-maddie-taught-me-about-silence
The post this one follows, about the kid who stays funny and connected.
“Fine” Is the Answer We Taught Our Kids to Give Us
https://www.thementorwell.com/blog/teenager-says-fine-what-to-say-next
What to say when “fine” is the only answer you get.
You Got Green on the Teen Signal Check. Keep Paying Attention
https://www.thementorwell.com/blog/teen-signal-check-green-result
For the parent who takes the check and gets green.
Those URLs come from the live Maddie page. Write these blurbs yourself before publishing. The last post shipped with internal notes in that block, and readers could see them.
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