“Did I Go Too Far?” How to Repair After a Blow-Up with Your Teen
What to Do After You and Your Teen Blow Up at Each Other
You just had another argument with your teen. Voices were raised. Doors slammed. Now you’re sitting in silence, wondering: How did we get here?
Even the best-skilled at EQ occasionally will lose it. It’s called being human.
Conflict with your teen can feel like stepping on an emotional landmine; one wrong move and everything explodes. But here’s what most parents aren’t told: the goal isn’t avoiding conflict. It’s knowing how to repair after it happens.
The goal isn’t perfection, but to re-establish connection.
The Blow-Up You Didn’t See Coming
Perhaps it began with a curfew, a phone call, or a tone of voice, but it escalated quickly. You were frustrated, they were defensive, and suddenly you’re both stuck in a storm of anger and disconnection.
You’re left thinking, Did I go too far? Are we okay?
The truth? Conflict isn’t the problem. Unrepaired conflict is.
All Families Have Some Level of Dysfunction
We’ve all heard about family members who haven’t talked to one another in decades. If you asked them what the disagreement was about, many wouldn’t even remember. Sometimes, it’s the idiosy behind waiting decades to address the situation. How many families’ dynamics could be salvaged if they didn’t hold onto their version of the past?
The Cost of the Cold War: When No One Talks First
After a blow-up, both sides tend to retreat. You’re hurt. They’re hurt. No one wants to be the first to “break.”
But silence can feel like punishment. When repair doesn’t happen, teens start to internalize that love is conditional, or worse, that mistakes equal disconnection.
Even if your teen doesn’t say it, they want to feel safe with you again. Reconnection matters more than resolution.
The Reset Moment: What to Say (Even if You're Still Upset)
Repair isn’t about sweeping things under the rug—it’s about showing up after the mess. Even if you’re not completely calm, you can still lead with care.
Try this: “I’m still feeling a bit off, but I care about us too much to leave it like this. Can we try again?”
You’re not erasing the issue. You’re modelling emotional regulation. You’re showing them: We don’t have to get it perfect to move forward.
Even if they shrug or walk away, you’ve opened the door. That matters.
Create a ‘Repair Ritual’ That Feels Natural
You don’t need to wing it every time things go wrong. A repair ritual gives both of you a soft place to land. It’s a go-to structure for getting back on the same page.
Here’s a simple one:
Take Space
“Let’s take 20 minutes and come back to this.”Own Your Part (Briefly)
“I got loud earlier. That wasn’t okay.”Check In with Care
“Are you okay? I’m not asking to fix it, to understand.”Reconnect, Gently
Go for a walk. Watch a show. Make hot chocolate.
No big talk. Just presence.
Make Repair a Family Norm
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
Use phrases like:
“Let’s reset.”
“Can we have a do-over?”
“I’m here when you’re ready.”
When repair becomes part of the rhythm in your home, your teen learns that love isn’t earned through perfection—it’s felt through effort and consistency.
When They Won’t Open Up to You, They Still Need Someone
Even with all the right words and intentions, your teen might still shut down. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means they might need a buffer. Someone neutral. Someone they can trust who isn't you.
That’s where mentorship comes in. A mentor creates a safe space where your teen can explore their thoughts, emotions, and challenges without judgment. It’s not a replacement for you. It’s reinforcement for your relationship.
If your teen won’t talk to you, ensure they have someone they can talk to.
Discover how mentorship can support your teen and strengthen your bond in the process.
