You're probably the first one to notice.

What it is

A short check you take about someone you care about.

You answer ten questions about what you've noticed in a friend over the last while. Cancelled plans. The group chat going quiet. The jokes that have started to land a bit differently.

Every question has an "I'm not sure" option, and it counts. Not knowing is information too.

When you finish, you see a colour, a plain explanation of what it means, and something specific you can do this week. Your friend doesn't take it and doesn't see it. Nobody does but you.

Why it exists

Friends hear things long before parents do.

I built the Teen Signal Check for parents. More than 14,000 have taken it. Over the years I've sat with a lot of mothers and fathers who saw the signs and told themselves it was a phase. I understand why. Waiting feels safer than asking.

A few nights ago I talked it through with my son Zac. He's 24. He told me his friends talk about mental health far more openly than my generation ever did, and that they look out for each other. He also said the questions would have to be completely different. His first example was the friend who makes plans and cancels every time.

When everyone jokes about being dead inside, the friend who means it is hard to spot.

That's the problem this check is built around. The dark humour is normal. The memes are normal. So the questions ask about change: what's different about this person compared with how they usually are.

What it asks about

Ten things a friend is in a position to see.

The questions move from everyday things toward the heavier ones, so you ease in.

1. 1Making plans, then cancelling or going quiet on the day
2. 2Stepping back from things that used to matter, like the gym, a team, school or work
3. 3Going quiet in the group chat, or leaving messages for days
4. 4Drinking or doing drugs more than they used to
5. 5Taking risks, like driving fast or after drinking, fights, or blowing money
6. 6What you get back when you ask how they're doing
7. 7Joking about not wanting to be here, or not caring what happens to them
8. 8Calling themselves a burden
9. 9Seeming suddenly calm after a rough stretch, or giving things away
10. 10Saying anything about hurting themselves or ending their life

Your result

Three colours, plus a count of what you don't know.

Every result comes with a next step, including green. You'll also get a few ways to start the conversation, because "are you okay?" usually gets "I'm fine."

If they've said something

What it can't do

It's an awareness check. That's all.

It can't diagnose anything, and it can't tell you what's going on inside your friend's head. It's only as good as what you've seen, and you might not have seen much.

What it can do is take the vague feeling you've had for a few weeks and put it in front of you clearly enough that you decide whether to act on it.

You also aren't expected to fix anything. A good friend notices, asks, and helps the person get to someone who can help. That's the whole job.

Part of I'm Paying Attention

One campaign, two checks.

I'm Paying Attention started with the Teen Signal Check, for parents and the other adults in a young person's life. The Friend Signal Check is the second piece, for the people closest in age, who often know first.

The goal is the same for both. Notice a little sooner. Have one honest conversation before you talk yourself out of it. Saying "I'm paying attention" to someone, out loud or by showing up, tells them they don't have to hold it together for you.

Chris Coulter, founder, The MentorWell

Your privacy

No email, no names.

You don't sign in and you don't give us your email. We never ask who your friend is. We only see totals, like how many results came back yellow in a month, so we can tell whether this is reaching people.