The 3 Parenting Tips I Ignored, And the Regrets That Still Keep Me Up at Night

The 3 Parenting Tips I Ignored, And the Regrets That Still Keep Me Up at Night

There’s a strange thing about parenting advice. When your kids are young, it feels endless. Everyone has something to say: friends, grandparents, strangers in the grocery store. Most of it you nod politely at, then forget as soon as you buckle your child back into the car seat.

That’s what I did.

I thought I knew my kids better than anyone. I thought love and showing up would always be enough. So when people offered advice, I often brushed it off.

I wish someone had drilled that advice into me: the advice you ignore can come back years later, as devastating regret.

For me, that regret came after losing my daughter, Maddie, to suicide in 2015. She was just 14.

More than a decade later, her absence has become the lens through which I see every piece of wisdom I once thought I didn’t need. And three of those lessons stand out above all the rest.

They’re simple. They’re practical. And I wish I had listened.

1. Stay Curious

Someone once told me, “Stay curious with your kids. Don’t assume you know what’s going on in their world. Keep asking, even when they push you away.”

At the time, I thought curiosity meant prying. It was often received critically. I believed that if I gave my kids space and reminded them they were loved, that was enough.

It wasn’t.

Curiosity is what builds connection. It means noticing when moods shift. It means asking what’s really going on beneath a quick “I’m fine.” It means showing your child you can sit with their feelings without rushing to fix them.

You can’t assume your kids will always talk to you. What a child is willing to share at three, when their world is small and simple, is very different from what they will volunteer at 13, when everything feels complicated, private, and fragile. If you stop asking, stop showing interest, the door closes without you even noticing.

I confused space with respect. In reality, I created the distance.

2. Listen More Than You Talk

I grew up believing parents needed to have answers. I thought my job was to give advice, solve problems, and guide.

What I didn’t realize was that sometimes kids aren’t looking for solutions. They’re looking for someone who can hear them out.

Too often, I found myself waiting for Maddie to pause so I could jump in with a fix. I thought I was being helpful. In truth, I was cutting her off and sending the message that her feelings were problems to be solved, not experiences to be felt.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard came from Kevin Hines, almost a decade after Maddie’s loss. He shared a simple phrase that has stuck with me: “Is this a fix-it or feel-it conversation?”

In other words, do you want me in listen-only mode, or do you want my opinion?

I’ve probably told two dozen parents about that phrase since. Many of them have circled back later to thank me. Because when kids tell you what they need in that moment, and you respect it, the relationship shifts. They feel heard. They feel safe.

Listening without rushing to rescue them is harder than it sounds. But it’s also one of the greatest gifts you can give.

3. Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Connect

This one is painful.

We often think we’ll have more time. We think we can wait until things settle down, or until our kids “come around,” to have the hard conversations.

Waiting is a gamble. Silence can be deadly.

I wish I had leaned more into connection in everyday moments at the dinner table, during a drive, before bed. Simple check-ins. Small acts of presence. Those ordinary moments can be the difference between a child feeling unseen and a child feeling safe enough to open up. Don’t get me wrong, even though Maddie and my relationship wasn’t perfect, most of the time it was pretty damn awesome.

Trust is earned, even with your kids. When things go off the rails in your relationship, and they will on occasion, don’t dig in your heels and refuse to bend. Arguments are inevitable. What matters is how you repair them.

Kids can be unforgiving after a heated exchange. Pride can build walls quickly. That’s why repair matters more than winning. Apologize when you’ve overstepped. Be the one to extend the olive branch. Connection isn’t about being right, it’s about rebuilding trust again and again and again.

The Lesson

Losing Maddie in 2015 was the hardest moment of my life. I still find myself replaying those pieces of advice. Wisdom often comes after the window to use it has closed.

But her story continues to teach me, and I’ve tried to carry those lessons forward into how I parent, how I mentor, and how I support other families.

It’s why we built The MentorWell.

Sometimes kids need someone outside the family to talk to. A mentor who shows up with curiosity, listens without judgment, and connects before a crisis. We train every mentor to lead with those qualities because they can make all the difference.

One of our foundational pillars at The MentorWell is emotional intelligence (EQ). Conversations that begin with EQ build bridges. Conversations where EQ is absent often put up walls and make people defensive. EQ is what keeps curiosity alive, makes listening possible, and allows trust to be rebuilt when it’s been broken.

Curiosity. Listening. Connection. Emotional intelligence. These are the foundations of trust. And trust is what helps kids feel safe enough to share the parts of their world they keep hidden.

Reflection

If you’re a parent, don’t wait to learn these lessons the hard way.

• Stay curious, even when it feels awkward.

• Listen more than you talk.

• Repair quickly when things go sideways.

Your kids don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones.

I ignored this advice once. I wish I hadn’t.

What’s the one piece of advice you wish you had taken sooner?