While One Child Battles Mental Health Challenges, Who’s Protecting Their Brother or Sister?

When my daughter Maddie was fighting her darkest battles, all eyes were on her, including mine.

But sitting quietly in hospital chairs beside her were my two sons, Zac and Sawyer.

They didn’t complain. They didn’t ask questions. They didn’t ask for time, reassurance, or comfort.

They just sat there silently, respectful, calm, not wanting to make anything harder than it already was.

At the time, I thought their quiet meant strength. What I’ve since learned is that silence can also mean strain.

The Quiet Sibling Isn’t Always Okay

Research shows this experience isn’t rare.

📊 In one study, 43% of siblings of children with mental health challenge reported experiencing psychological struggles themselves, compared to those families without a child in crisis.

📊 Siblings of youth with mental health challenges are almost 2x more likely to develop anxiety or depression within a few years of their sibling’s diagnosis.

📊 When addiction is present, family members, including siblings, have 2.4x higher odds of developing depression than those in families without addiction.

So while one child is openly battling something that demands attention, another may be fighting something silently, and alone.

The Invisible Sibling: Quiet Doesn’t Mean Unaffected

Siblings often respond to crisis by reshaping themselves into the child parents don’t have to worry about. They may:

• Avoid adding pressure

• Become “the easy one”

• Try harder at school or chores to “stay off the radar”

• Take on caretaker or peacekeeper roles

• Swallow their own fear, anger, sadness, or confusion

And beneath that quiet compliance often sits a set of dangerous beliefs:

• “My problems don’t matter.”

• “I can’t add to Mom and Dad’s stress.”

• “Struggling is something I’m not allowed to do.”

This is not resilience. This is emotional suppression dressed up as maturity.

Silent Strain Has a Cost (Especially Within 1–5 Years)

Suppressed emotions don’t fade. They settle.

They may show up as:

• Anxiety they can’t explain

• Depression masked as exhaustion or numbness

• Perfectionism as a way to avoid being “a problem”

• People-pleasing to stay safe

• Resentment quickly followed by guilt

📊 Studies show that siblings often experience a decline in emotional well-being and school performance within the first 1–5 years of their sibling’s mental health crisis, especially when they feel they must “stay strong” for the family.

We often say, “Kids are resilient.” And they are to a point.

But resilience without support often becomes emotional isolation.
And isolation, left unsupported, can evolve into crisis.

Parents Don’t Ignore Them Intentionally, They Become Tapped Out

Parents don’t lose sight of their other children because they are emotionally exhausted.

When one child is in crisis, survival mode kicks in.
The loudest pain takes priority.
The highest risk gets the most attention.

Meanwhile, the quiet child makes themselves smaller so we can keep going.

They don’t want to alarm us. They see how tired we are. They are afraid to add weight to what already feels like a fragile emotional system.

If you’re in this right now, if one child is in crisis, ask yourself:

Who is watching the one who isn’t crying out loud?

It’s not a question of love. It’s a question of bandwidth.

Not to Be Alarming, But Statistically, We Can’t Be Casual About This

The data makes something clear:
When one child is struggling, every child in the family is impacted, even the ones who seem fine.

And the sibling who suffers quietly is often the one who is missed the longest… until something breaks.

This Is Where Mentorship Can Be Life-Giving

Imagine if your quieter child, the easy one, the strong one, had someone outside the family who understood this exact position.

Someone who has stood in the shoes of the sibling in the shadows and can say:

“I know what it’s like to not want to cause more worry.”
“I know what it feels like to carry things alone.”
“You’re allowed to talk about what scares you.”
“Here’s what helped me when I was where you are.”

That’s what a MentorWell mentor can be:
✅ Not a therapist
✅ Not a parent substitute
✅ Not someone telling them what to do

But someone who:
✔ Validates their emotions
✔ Helps them process guilt, fear, resentment, and confusion
✔ Gives them permission to not always be “okay”
✔ Teaches emotional coping
✔ Becomes a safe anchor they don’t have to protect

While you are doing the hard work of helping one child heal, someone else can walk with their brother or sister, making sure they don’t break silently in the background.

A Personal Reflection I Can’t Shake

I look back at Zac and Sawyer in those hospital chairs.

They were calm. They were steady. They were love in silence.

I wish someone had looked at them and asked,
“How are you doing through all this?”

If One Child Is Struggling, Please Don’t Assume the Others Are Fine

Loving all your kids requires equal emotional safety.

If your home is centred around one child’s pain right now, pause and glance at the quiet one.

Sometimes, the child who says nothing is the one who most needs someone.

If you don’t have the bandwidth to be that person for every child right now, that doesn’t make you a bad parent.

It makes you human.

And it may make a mentor exactly the right next step.