Turning Pain Into Purpose: 7 Ways to Honour Someone You’ve Lost

Grief hurts. It changes everything.

At first, I couldn’t speak about it. I could barely function. Writing became the only place I could go.

Losing someone you love takes your energy, your direction, and your identity.
But over time, something shifts. Slowly. Quietly.

I started noticing how poorly we talk about mental health.
How little support parents have.
How many kids are struggling without a safe person to talk to.

The messages started coming in.
From parents who were scared.
Parents who were grieving.

Stories too close to my own.

It was painful.
And it was clarifying.

I needed to do something.
I needed to honour Maddie in a way that helped others.
I needed to stay open, even when it was hard.

Grief does not end. It changes shape.
And one day, the pain starts pointing forward.

That is where purpose begins.

At first, I wanted to change the world. I jumped into everything. I wanted to honour Maddie in a way that matched the size of the loss. I pushed myself past what I could handle.

I did not understand how grief affects your mind. Your memory slips. Your focus breaks. Finishing a task feels impossible. You doubt yourself. You speak to yourself in ways that hurt you. You want to build a legacy for your child, and you feel like you are failing that too.

You take on too much. You fall. You tell yourself to be patient. But patience feels like standing still in a burning room.

There were days where my mind said two things. Change everything. Or let go of everything. When grief sits next to depression, both feel real. Both feel possible. And when you are someone who once achieved easily, it feels like you are watching yourself become a different person. A smaller one. A lost one.

It feels like there is no path forward.

Then, slowly, something shifts. A moment. A conversation. A memory. A breath that does not hurt as much as yesterday. You notice it. It is small, but it is there.

That is hope. And hope can change direction. It can turn pain into movement.

It does not erase grief. But it gives you a way to walk with it.

If you want to honour someone you’ve lost, not only in memory but in action, here are seven ways to start.

1. Create a Charitable Foundation or Donor-Advised Fund

You can begin legacy now. It does not need to wait.

I created a Donor-Advised Fund for Maddie’s Fund for Emotional Intelligence.
It allows donations to support Canadian charities focused on youth mental health in Maddie’s name.
It is simple, meaningful, and ongoing.

Her impact continues through the hands and hearts of others.

2. Support a Cause They Would Have Supported

You do not need a large budget to make a difference.

You can:
• Volunteer
• Donate what you can
• Share why the cause mattered to them

This is a direct way to carry forward their values.

3. Say Their Name and Share Their Story

Talk about them.
Tell people who they were.
What you loved about them.
What you miss.

Silence makes grief heavier.
Speaking their name keeps love open.

Sometimes your story gives someone else strength.

4. Create a Place of Reflection

Grief often needs somewhere to rest.

Maddie’s tree grows in a park near her old school.
Her high school placed Maddie’s bench in the courtyard.
These places allow us to sit. Remember. Breathe. Nature helps us heal.

It does not remove the loss.
But it offers connection.

5. The MentorWell: Support Youth Through Connection

One of the most meaningful ways to honour someone is to show up for young people who are still here.

Many teens and young adults are not broken.
They are overwhelmed.
They feel alone.
They do not know who to talk to.

The MentorWell was built for them.

It connects youth with caring adults who listen with patience and empathy.
Not to fix.
Not to judge.
But to be present and consistent.

You can honour someone you’ve lost by:
• Becoming a mentor
• Referring a young person who needs support
• Sharing The MentorWell with a parent who feels stuck
• Checking in on the kids in your life with honest questions

Support does not always look big.
It looks like showing up.

This is where healing begins.
For them.
And for you.

6. Help Someone Who Is Grieving

Grief is isolating.
You do not need to know what to say to support someone.

You can:
• Sit with them
• Let them speak
• Allow silence
• Avoid trying to fix the pain

If you have taken one step forward, you can walk beside someone who is just beginning.

7. Live in a Way They Would Recognize

This is the quiet work of legacy.

I try to live in a way Maddie would recognize. That she’d be proud of.
More patience.
More honesty.
More softness.
More love spoken out loud.

Let the best parts of them shape how you show up in the world.

Your Presence Can Be the Legacy

Legacy is not only built through projects or funds.
It is built in how you treat people.
How you listen.
How you stay open.

The MentorWell exists because of that belief.

Grief will always hurt.
But it can also guide you toward connection.
And that connection can help someone stay.

That is how we honour the people we have lost.
By taking care of the ones who are still here.