Parents: Break These 7 Habits or Risk Losing Your Teen’s Trust

People often tell me what a great relationship Maddie and I had. And on the surface, it looked true, just like most people’s Facebook posts. But what we post isn’t the whole story, is it?

We share the smiles, the milestones, the moments we’re proud of, and we quietly tuck away the messy parts. The arguments. The doubts. The times we wish we could rewind and do better.

Maddie and I loved each other deeply, but we had our struggles too. Every parent-teen relationship does. I made mistakes, plenty of them, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. What I’ve learned, though, is that trust can survive mistakes, if we’re willing to see them and change how we show up.

Why Trust is the Currency of Parenting

I used to think I was doing everything right. I had rules. I kept structure. And if Maddie didn’t follow them, there were consequences. I lectured. I fixed. I filled quiet space with advice because I thought that’s what a good parent was supposed to do.

But I didn’t see what it was doing to our relationship. Trust doesn’t shatter in one big moment. It fades, little by little, in the slammed doors, the eye rolls, the “you don’t get it” silences.

If you’ve felt that gap with your teen growing wider, I’ve been there. And the good news? It’s not too late to turn it around.

7 Habits That Quietly Break Your Teen’s Trust (and How to Fix Them)

1. Lecturing Instead of Listening

I thought if I just explained more, Maddie would “get it.” But every lecture only pushed her further away.

Try this instead: Ask, don’t tell.
Swap “Why didn’t you do your homework?” for “What’s been the hardest part of your week?” And then, stop talking. Just listen. Not to fix. Not to jump in. Just to hear them.

2. Reacting With Anger Instead of Curiosity

When Maddie broke a rule, my first instinct was to snap. I thought if I was tough enough, she’d straighten out. All it did was teach her to hide things from me.

Try this instead: Take a breath.
Ask, “What happened?” or “Help me understand”, before you rush to judgment. Curiosity creates space for honesty.

3. Setting Rules Without Collaboration

I used to hand down rules like they were law. Curfews. Phone limits. The rules were the rules. And guess what? It turned every rule into a battle.

Try this instead: Involve them.
Ask, “What do you think is a fair time to be home?” It doesn’t mean you give up authority. It means you build buy-in. When Maddie felt heard, she fought me less.

4. Minimizing Their Feelings

I can’t count how many times I said, “It’s not a big deal. You’ll be fine.” I thought I was reassuring her. But really, I was teaching her to keep things inside.

Try this instead: Validate first.
Say, “I get why this hurts. Do you want to talk about it?” You don’t have to fix it. Just stand with them in it.

5. Overstepping Their Independence/Giving Too Much Autonomy

I hovered. I checked in too much. I asked about every friend, every plan, every detail. I thought I was keeping her safe. What I was really doing? Sending the message I didn’t trust her.

Some give their teen too much space. They don’t impose enough rules or boundaries.

Sounds like a delicate balance, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.

Try this instead: Respect their space.
Try: “I’d love to meet your friends when you’re ready.” Show interest, but don’t force it.

6. Pushing Too Hard During Stress

When teens are overwhelmed, it’s tempting to respond with “work harder” or “you’ll get over it,” thinking it will build resilience. But what they really hear is that they’re on their own, while carrying a backpack that already feels too heavy.

Try this instead: Normalize the stress. Say, “I know this is hard. Let’s figure it out together.” They don’t always need you to fix it. Sometimes they just need to know you’re there.

7. Failing to Repair After Conflict

I used to walk away from arguments and wait for things to “blow over.” Silence doesn’t heal anything. It just hardens the space between you.

Try this instead: Be the first to repair.
Say, “I was harsh earlier. I’m sorry. Can we start over?” Every time you do this, you teach your teen that love is bigger than any argument.

Rebuilding Trust Starts With One Change

I’m not going to stand here and tell you parenting is easy, because it’s not. And I’m not going to tell you that if you don’t change these habits your child is doomed to struggle, because that’s not true either. Not every teen struggles in the same way.

Maddie was my firstborn, and she was the first to really hit turbulence in her teens. She was navigating a divorce, two homes, new schools, new friends, and I’m sure a whole list of things I never even saw.

Here’s what I’ve learned: we can’t fix their problems away. And honestly, we shouldn’t try to. What we can do is create a culture that invites conversation. Encourage a home where they know they can come to us without fear of being shut down or “managed.”

Because when the communication stops is when the real worry begins.

And if you need help building that bridge, that’s why I built The MentorWell. Sometimes, the safest thing for your teen is another trusted adult who listens without trying to fix them.

Book a complimentary 15-minute call to see if mentorship will work for your family.