Are You Sure Your Divorce Hasn’t Impacted Your Kids?
10 Signs Your Teen Is Struggling With Your Divorce
I have many conversations with parents about their struggling teens. If I find out they’re divorced or separated, I’ll ask how their kids are navigating the changes. They’ll almost be defensive. “They’re resilient. They’re pretty happy kids.” It drives me crazy. Most divorcing parents let themselves off the hook for their kids’ struggles.
My hand is held up. I’m guilty too. Hindsight gives me the pathway to wisdom. And the accompanying heartache.
F*ck people, own your shit! If you’re going through a divorce or have been through a divorce, your kids are likely struggling, and yes, even if they tell you otherwise! Stop thinking they’re not!
Divorce changes everything. Your routines. Your home. Your future.
But for your teen, it can shake their foundation in ways they may never fully express.
Teenagers are often the quiet casualties of divorce, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t want to make things worse. They hold it in. Smile when expected. Say “I’m fine” because that’s easier than unpacking all the ways their world feels different since you decided to turn it upside down.
As someone who’s navigated this road with more than my share of accidents, I’m not here to shame you, but to warn you. Pay attention to your kids. We know how we’re told to behave, but really, do we adhere to the rules completely? You are kind and supportive 95% of the time, and your complete undoing could come at the expense of that five percent.
But grief doesn’t go away just because no one’s talking about it.
According to a Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study, teens who go through parental divorce are significantly more likely to experience depression, anxiety, trust issues, and even long-term difficulties with romantic relationships. Read study here
And yet, only a small percentage receive mental health support during or after the divorce. That silence can be harmful or worse.
Here are 10 signs your teen may be struggling more than they’re letting on, and a quiz you can take to confirm what your gut might already be telling you.
10 Signs Your Teen Is Struggling With Your Divorce
They’ve become emotionally distant.
If they used to open up and now they shrug off conversations or avoid eye contact, it could be more than just “teen mood.”
Their grades have dropped — or spiked.
Sudden academic changes can be their way of coping (or losing control).
They lash out more or shut down completely.
Grief can express itself as anger, sarcasm, or silence.
They take sides or avoid both parents.
Feeling caught in the middle is painful. Many teens won’t say it, but they often feel torn.
They’ve become hyper-independent.
“I’ll figure it out myself” may mean they don’t feel emotionally safe asking for help.
They act fine, too fine.
Overfunctioning is often a survival mechanism. If they suddenly seem to be “on top of everything,” pay attention.
They talk less about the future.
When life feels unstable, teens may stop dreaming or setting goals.
They joke about dark stuff or themselves.
Humour is often a mask. Listen to what they’re not saying directly.
They avoid old friends or activities.
Isolation is a warning sign, especially if it’s new.
You feel like something’s off.
You know your kid. If your gut says something’s wrong, trust it.
Maddie and Our Divorce
Maddie never talked much about our divorce at first. She kept smiling, going to school, and staying involved. But underneath it all, she was grieving deeply and silently. I believe that our separation was the single most significant contributor to her depression. If I hadn’t had texts from her that spelled that out, I might’ve never seen it for what it was. And that’s the truth for so many parents. We want to believe our kids are okay, especially when the divorce ends peacefully, or there’s no major conflict. But the emotional impact doesn’t disappear with civility.
Since losing Maddie, I’ve heard stories from adults who still carry the weight of their parents’ divorce, some are decades later. It shaped how they love, how they trust, and how safe they feel in the world. We cannot underestimate what this does to our kids.
Why This Matters
Divorce isn’t just a legal shift. It’s an emotional meltdown. And teens are still building their foundation.
According to Statistics Canada, children from divorced families report higher levels of stress, loneliness, and psychological distress compared to their peers in intact families.
Worse, many teens don't feel comfortable talking to either parent about their feelings because they “don’t want to cause more drama” or be accused of “choosing sides.”
That’s not resilience. That’s emotional isolation.
Take the Quiz: Is Your Teen Hiding Emotional Pain?
This quick, 2-minute quiz can help determine if your teen might be grieving silently. If you answer “Yes” to 3 or more, it’s time to start a deeper conversation.
👉 Take the Quiz Now
What You Can Do
Name it. Say the word “grief.” Let them know that feeling sad, angry, or confused is okay.
Check in regularly. “How are you?” and “What’s been hard this week?”
Offer support without pushing. They may not want therapy right now but might open up to a mentor.
Consider mentorship. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk to someone outside the family. Learn about MentorWell
Your divorce doesn’t have to break your teen.
But pretending they’re not grieving? That might.
Show up. Stay present. And don’t wait for them to ask for help.
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